By: T.R. Slyder
On Thursday I posted a brief complaint about always overhearing women bitching on their cellphones about how their boyfriend is an a-hole. Today I overheard a woman on the bus say something so completely awesome that completely restored my faith in overhearing again.
Well, it wasn't so much a woman as it was a 7-year old girl.
I was on the bus today and a group of about 8 summer day-campers, I'd estimate to be in the age range of kindergarten to 2nd grade, got on the bus and sat near me. I was in the back of the bus, where the seating is basically U-shaped, so I was sitting right by a little tike and facing a bunch of the others. The kids' counselors had them all behaving well, and they were playing Paper-Rock-Scissors next to me. I forgot kids do this, but when Rock would beat Scissors, the kids would act out the rock crushing the scissors as the one kid's rock-fist would pound the other person's two scissor fingers. As I was noticing one child's scissors-fingers cutting the other kid's flat-handed-paper, the elder stateswoman of the bunch, aged about 8 took the liberty of imparting a bit of culture for the uninformed and proclaimed, "In China, the paper covers scissors."
I'm sure if I heard that when I was 5 I'd totally believe it, and be impressed that she knew that. But the no-fun grownup in me couldn't help thinking, "How the hell do you know that? Are you saying you've been to China and played Rock-Paper-Scissors there? Or do you just happen to be part of the International R.P.S. Cognoscenti and you're familiar with all different delineations of International Rules? And if paper does cover scissors over there, is everything else opposite or just the paper-on-scissors scenario? If not, what's your incentive to ever throw scissors if it beats nothing, yet paper beats two- rock and scissors? Why is it different in China, don't they use actual scissors actually cut actual paper there? If you are not in fact certain those are the Chinese rules based on firsthand accounts, has it occurred to you that a Chinese person could potentially take offense to this since their nationality is being singled out as backwards?" Then I realized why being a grown-up sucks. I'd way rather just take comments like that as the truth than actually have to filter everything my brain encounters and question its validity. Not to mention, I'd way rather play Paper-Rock-Scissors on the bus than read the newspaper.
Then I thought about it a bit more, laughing as I recalled some awesomely similar rumors from my youth that you just took as the gospel truth. I was also able to remember some pretty sweet Chinese-as-backward/opposite stories that wise old 3rd graders had told me about, and how I used to be one of those kids who'd think "Really? That's how it's played in China? Wow, that girl sure knows her stuff. I'm impressed she knew that, I'll have to stay close to her and learn more useful info." But then it dawned on me. With how oppressive, brutal and shady China's government can be- would it even surprise you if they actually did insist on a P.R.S. rule change and there were armed guards stationed at every elementary school to enforce it? And if you were caught playing the "American Rules" version, you'd shortly be making a visit to an internment camp until further notice? Fuck no.
It really boils down to who is more credible- The Chinese government, or a curly-haired 6-year old girl at day camp? In that light, I'm a believer in the Chinese having different rules. You can learn a lot by keeping your ears open on public transportation, especially around kids.
***After writing the article, I Googled "China Paper Rock Scissors" just hoping for any kind of usable picture for the article. What I found was troubling. It appears that the following video is an underground video of some rogue Chinese P.R.S. players who have the audacity to not only play the American rules version (i.e. at the 14 second mark you can see that his scissors defeated her paper), but to video tape it!! I just hope they don't get caught by the authorities.... They are so brave. This footage is like the Paper-Rock-Scissors version of that protester in TiananmenSquare standing in front of that tank.
The Google search also yielded this- Please note that this video is from JAPAN. Predictably, their rules are not in line with their Chinese neighbors as we can clearly see that scissors defeats paper here. We can also see that it's ok in Japan for a man to bludgeon a woman over the head with a rolled-up newspaper.
