Stuff That's Officially No Longer Funny

By: T.R. Slyder

Today's entrant in News of the "No Longer Funny" is when commercials and/or news channels use the prhase "Size Matters", or any derivation thereof. Apparently small-shlong'd dudes with a passion for ignoring the obvious used to feel the issue of size mattering was still up for debate. A phrase was born. Hours later an extremely played-out phrase was born. Weeks later a tired faux-attention-grabbing marketing gimic was born. The medical community hailed it as the first recorded cast of a "grossly, post-mature birth."

How about that coffee mug? Who decided that was, 1. Clever, 2. Amusing, and 3. Necessary? Isn't the credo of free-enterprise to "find a need and fill it"? People with bedhead were clamoring for a coffee mug that not only got them thinking about penises in the morning, but got them expressing their position on the ficticious great debate about log size over their Special K? Really? Someone said "Hey mom, how come your coffee mugs never allude to erect dicks?" or, "So a 9 inch hog is more pleasurable for you than a 1 incher? So why haven't you made that clear on the breakfast table yet?", or "I see you drinking coffee everyday, and you talk about dongs a lot- why not just combine the two?"? Let us never mention this subject again.