LADIES LOVE OBSCURE RIVALRIES: PATRICK SWAYZE v. KEANU REEVES - POINT BREAK (1991)

by Dan Raspatello, draspatello@rivalfish.com

I went to this swanky club, Reserve, last weekend, and one of the dudes who runs the joint, Mike Mering, pointed out that in our 50 Greatest Movie Rivalries article we failed to include Keanu Reeves (Johnny Utah) vs. Patrick Swayze (Bodhi) in the American classic Point Break. I checked it out, and my new ultra-lounge friend was correct. First of all I would like to apologize because it is inexcusable to neglect such a “radical” rivalry. This movie is the Citizen Kane for X-game athletes, and at least 50% of these athletes have Point Break-related tattoos. What American Pie did for Lacrosse, Point Break did for the X-games.

Bodhi, "The Boddhisattava": Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) is a “gnarly” surfer who believes that the oppressive government robs people of their natural human spirit. When I watch Bodhi talk I feel like I am hearing one of those weird (aka modern hippies) people downtown who hand out flyers about are government controlling everything. When somebody hands you a flyer they are really saying, “Excuse me, but I am too lazy to walk to the garbage can, can you please throw this away for me, or if you are too lazy just drop it on the street so some 14 year old with community service can pick it up later and throw it away.”

Thus, Bodhi’s crew robs banks dressed up as ex-Presidents, so they can afford their “Xtreme” way of life (mainly surfing, but they are up to anything spelled with an “X”). But the catch is they aren’t your typical burn-out surfers. They are smart, and they get high on adrenaline instead of drugs (that’s some deep shit), and they are the perfect bank robbers. And according to Gary Busey’s (the ugly Nick Nolte) character, they "vanish” after the robbery is done, and they leave no clues.

Johnny Utah: With Gary Busey and the rest of the FBI unable to solve the crime of the surfer bank robbers, they hire ex-college football star Johnny Utah (Reeves). Utah blew out his knee in his last college game (which will come back to haunt him at the end of the movie), and could no longer go pro. Logically, when a star QB can’t go pro he decides to join the FBI. Utah is supposed to become a surfer and infiltrate their world to find out who the Ex-Presidents are. He learns to surf from Tyler (Lori Petty), who is a girl that not only has a man’s name, but also dresses like a man and has a hair cut like a man (who Utah falls in love with). You may remember Lori Petty as the girl that Pauly Shore wants in In The Army Now (in which she also played a lesbianish character with short hair).

True Man Love: Utah meets Bodhi after Utah gets in a fight with a local surfer for stealing his wave. This allegedly is a common complaint by local surfers in California who take themselves way too seriously. The local surfer and his posse, led by Red Hot Chili Peppers’ front man Anthony Kiedis back when Red Hot Chili Peppers were cool, all try to jump him, but Bodhi comes to save his favorite college QB. Utah and Brodhi end up becoming best friends, and then Utah likes the lifestyle so much it jeopardizes his job with the FBI.

Eventually Bodhi figures out Utah is in the FBI, kidnaps his new girlfriend, successfully escapes to Australia, and then dies surfing the "50 Year Storm" a year later (he talked about surfing this storm throughout the movie).

It's a Real Sport, And He's a Real Man: In my opinion, Bodhi wins this movie rivalry. He blows out Utah’s knee, gets to hang out with a Heisman-caliber athlete, kidnaps his rival's girlfriend, never works a day in his life because he robs banks for a living, never gets caught, and eventually dies doing the one thing he wanted to do before he died. Oh yeah, and he nailed Utah’s girl before him (when she actually looked like a chick).

Nevertheless, I'm left with some questions about this film. Didn’t it take a long time for the FBI to catch a bunch of surfers who hang out on sand all day. I know they used the sand samples to help them solve the crime, but didn’t it take a little long? If I am at the beach for 4 minutes in flip-flops, I am dumping sand out of my work shoes 4 days later. Sand has the ability to stick with you longer than herpes or a high school reputation.

I am going to extend this rivalry to off-camera. I am assuming that on the set Keanu won the rivalry against Swayze. I heard a rumor that whenever Swayze walked past Keanu he would start singing “Hungry Eyes.” Every morning he would ask Swayze how his night was, and before he could answer he would ask if, “he had the time of his life, and if it never felt that way before.” Keanu also leaked a rumor to the press that he begged director Kathryn Bigelow to incorporate a dance sequence.

Occasionally Swayze would try to retaliate by making fun of the Bill and Ted movies, and Keanu would quickly rebuttal with, “tell everybody how good it felt to get all up in Whoopi Goldberg.”