The Montana State Football Team Makes the Cincinnati Bengals Look Like Humanitarians

"So angry he celebrated Christmas by taking pictures of dad's across the country putting the presents under the tree, and then taping them to the foreheads of sleeping babes, only to end up fucking ruining belief in Santa Claus for millions. Check him out at www.theangryt.com" - Tello Real, Editor-in-Chief

by The Angry T, anthony.guerreso@gmail.com

By now, you have all heard about the Cincinnait Bengals lovable bank of felons that galavant around the city getting arrested and starting trouble. In fact, Bengals Linebacker A.J. Nicholson was arrested yesterday on a domestic violence charge. That being said, the Bengals are a bunch of pussies compared to Montana State University. You know how they say, “Everything is Bigger in Montana,” well that also applies to rap sheet of MSU’s football team.

The Bobcats don’t mess around with the petty stuff, like domestic violence, or giving alcohol to minors like those pussy Bengals. The latest arrest of a Montata State player involves former wide receiver Rick Gatewood who is accused of using his athletic scholarship money to traffic cocaine from California in the Bozeman, Montana area. That arrest makes A.J. Nicholson looks like a boy scout. Gatewood was the sixth former Montana State athlete arrested or charged with crimes involving drugs or murder in the past year. That’s right folks, the Bobcats don’t limit their aggression to the football field, just like any good band of criminals.

Montana State Andre Fuller is being investigated because he allegedly sold cocaine to an informant last June. Wide receivers Edward Sullivan and Derrick Davis, Jr. were just trying to fit in when they got busted for selling drugs last summer. Also last June, former player John Lebrum and Bobcat basketball player Branden Miller were charged with murder and kidnapping in the death of another drug dealer. I know Montana is boring, but do you really need this many drugs to make it fun. The answer is probably yes, but that still seems like a lot of people selling drugs for a state with a population of 915 people. The icing on the felony cake is that assistant football coach Joe O’ Brien was sentenced to four years in prison for his role in a methamphetamine distribution conspiracy.

As a result of these six arrests, two for selling drugs, two for trafficking drugs, and two for murder, Montana State head coach Mike Kramer is being let go. What get’s lost in all this legal mumbo jumbo is that the Bobcats posted their first postseason win in 22 years when they beat Furman 31-13 in the Division I-AA championships last fall. They finished last season 8-5 and were ranked 10th in NCAA Football Championship Subdivision, whatever the hell that means. Get your priorities straight Montana State, do you want to win or not, because this Kramer character is a winner. It’s like Stalin said, you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs, and in this case the eggs are felony charges and the omelet is the winning program, I think.