LADIES LOVE OBSCURE RIVALRIES: JOE ROGAN vs. CARLOS MENCIA

It's not like I'm looking to brag, but back in the day when I was svelt and alluring I made a memorable appearance on NBC's Fear Factor. I dressed like an asshole, came in last place, and was the first person to say "douchebag" on network primetime and not have it bleeped. But Rogan and I hit it off, discussed 'shrooming in the woods and sitting on porches overlooking mountains in between takes. Thank God he didn't know that every joke that would later be on Rivalfish would be 100% stolen, or things might not have gone as well. On that note, have you ever realized that there's two types of black people? Sorry, I'm getting distracted. Watch this video in which two famous people actually almost fight and people take sides and shit. Watch till the end, which is what really nails home the point like a kid replacing his fighting parents' birth control because they weren't paying enought attention to him.

Love,

Michael "Tello Real" Raspatello, Editor-in-Chief-Illiniwek