ShotPak: A Product That Will Change Game Day Drinking Forever

by Jonah Ansell, Rival Room Producer

It's a rare sight when we at Rivalfish go out of our way to endorse a product, but when there's a revolutionary product that can alter the way in which sports fans intoxicate themselves and can radically reduce the costs associated in doing so, we have to take a stand. If you've ever begrudgingly paid $8 for a beer in a stadium, keep reading, I am about to change your life.

Sports fans have long been the pawns of America's biggest beer companies. In the perpetual attempts to take your drunken dollar, beer companies have dangled attractive girls, frogs, lizards, a dog named Spuds, Cedric the Entertainer, Man Laws, Christmas lights, fake press conferences, not to mention endless numbers of 20-something everymen who in the presence of their "buddies" have found themselves in a precariously comedic 30 second situation, at the end of which, a tagline, a logo and a cheesy branded jingle attempts to link our living room laughter to a gameday purchase of a product with their company's name on it. From this day on, we won't hold it against you if you find yourself laughing at these commercials, but we WILL hold it against you if you ever again pay $8 for a beer. That's because a new company called ShotPak, Inc. is changing the way America drinks.

Simpy put:

ShotPak makes shots of alcohol, without the shot glass!

ShotPaks come in four flavors in factory-sealed 2" by 4" plastic packs, that have the malleable quality of a mini Capri Sun. They are easy to open, easy to chug, and most importantly, easy to conceal. And they'll save you 600% on your gameday drinking expenses.

And although we're not recommending outright that you sneak these into stadiums in the front and back pockets of your Levi's 501s, we will say that a single person can handily sneak in at least 15 ShotPaks, which should allow for pleasant inebriation for you and your friends, signficantly reducing your in-stadium beverage costs to only the cost of four large Pepsis imbibed by your designated driver.

And while we strongly encourage you to respect all stadium rules, to never drink and drive, and to be sure to drink responsibly, we also strongly encourage you to never again pay $8 for a watered down Bud Light. The enlightened, cost-conscious fan will be sure to pack a bundle of ShotPaks before heading out to the stadium, a costly downtown bar. They now come in four great flavors (we've tasted them, they're good): Sour Apple, Lemon Drop, Kamikaze and Purple Hooter. Straight shots are coming soon, we hear.

ShotPak's great invention comes as wonderful news to our good friend Colin who once poured a fifth of Jack into ziplock baggies and taped them to his inner thigh when attending a Chicago Cubs game at Wrigley. As you can guess, yellow and blue DID NOT make green, and Colin had a pair of whiskey-soaked slacks, which as you can imagine, doesn't mix well with a hot Chicago sun.

For more information on ShotPaks and to find out where you can get ShotPaks near you, check out: http://www.shotpakinc.com/index1.shtml And remember, 21+ only, you damn silly kids.