OUT OF HIS LEAGUE - WEEKLY AWARDS

by Tello Reál, mraspatello@rivalfish.com

"Each Monday, Rivalfish's Rival Room awards two athletes from the previous week that have performed 'out of their league,' for better or worse. As the Jersey Chasers of the land open their mouths and aim for the midsections of anyone wearing a jersey, we at Rivalfish help them navigate the VIP room waters with precision and class" - Rival Room Editor

jer·sey cha·ser, n, A person who only pursues, or is receptive to, the advances of athletes. Most commonly women, and most commonly found on or around college campuses or professional sporting contests.

PSYCH! Ahh, got yo ass! Jersey Chasers, please don't panic after I say what I'm about say. Thing are about to get a little crazy and unfocused in your taint-tracking efforts. The Rival Room award machine that is Tello Reál is taking the week off. There's just too many promising new contributors looking to take my job! I can't concentrate. I can't even put on underwear I'm so frazzled. My precious tushy is sticking to my linoleum desk chair like one of you floozies to Ron Artest and Larry Hughes at the Urban Beach Ass Bonanza, or whatever they call it down there in Cuba.

So this week, spread the wealth. Maybe non-athletes for once? Ever have a creepy uncle or cousin that you secretly thought was attractive and wished was only related through marriage? Well maybe there's a family secret that you don't know about, and maybe they are in actuality not blood-relatives. Bet you didn't think of that, girls. See, here I am helping you during my week off, just like I told myself I wouldn't do! So venture off ladies into the sea of nobodies, and make them feel like stars.

P.S. If you happen to be in the general Vietnam area, look for the above-pictured character. He's the suspected author of our Among the Hmong features. I think he could use a hand (job).