GHOST OF BABE RUTH MORE CONCERNED WITH WAR IN IRAQ

by Harrison Pak, hp_jobseeker@sbcglobal.net

Gate of Heaven Cemetery, Hawthorne, New York- With Barry Bonds' 715th home run, the calls came steady to The Ghost of Babe Ruth's abode. "I was fielding questions like 'How does it feel?' and 'Does Barry Bonds' infamous reputation tarnish the fact that he’s surpassed you as second place on the home run tally?' Frankly, I knew it was a matter of time before my total would be surpassed, I'm just surprised that more people aren't this interested in Iraq," said Ruth.

"We have close to 2500 dead U.S. personnel there in Iraq and people are more interested in things like 'American Idol' and 'The Da Vinci Code'. That makes me more upset than an alleged steroid abuser taking second place," Ruth stated. “It’s just a f*cking number. I still rogered half of Manhatten and half of his people too.�

Quickly, Stan "The Ghost" Musial came over to calm the beloved Babe.

When asked if he thought if Bonds' reputed action has tarnished the game, Ruth further replied, "Tarnished? I'll tell you tarnished. We have Americans dying because the government lied to us. Iraq had no ties to 9/11. Yet, Cheney and his cohorts felt it was necessary to draw the two together to get public support for the war. And I can't believe that people use the word ‘tarnish’ to describe a guy cheating at a game. I used to wear the STD’s of prostitutes on my cleats and slide into every base. I guess if you want to say that's 'tarnishing,' then we can even say I 'tarnish' things too! We have American blood spilt on a lie and that's what tarnishes the American image."

He continued, "American foreign policy has always been on the wrong side. We supported Bin Laden when he was fighting the Soviets in Afghanistan and we supported Saddam when he was fighting the Iranians. It's clear we have our principles completely out of whack.�

When asked if he thought Bonds deserved to be enshrined in Baseball's Hall of Fame, he simply said, "As long as there's an asterisk next to his name." He winked at The Ghost of Roger Maris as Maris began to laugh over his cigarette and Xanax.