A BABE, A DOG AND A DICK - FINAL SCORE & HEARTFELT APOLOGY

The NCAA Final Four teams were just finalized but sadly, Rivalfish's online tourney has already come to a close. With George Mason knocking off UConn and Florida ousting Villanova, the Dick and the Babe lost their picks to win.

The scores are in and Dick Vitale won by, well, a dick. He eked out Kevin the Dog, who finished second, and handily beat Shira the Babe, who ended up in dead last. The Babe and Dog jumped out to an early lead, and Dicky V found himself in dead last as we entered the Sweet 16. But as George Mason can attest to, it's not where you start off, but where you finish up.

Click below to see the losing brackets!

The Babe's Picks -- The Dog's Picks -- Dick's Picks

Picks to win: The Babe - Villanova; The Dog - Gonzaga; The Dick - UConn

As you can see, the Babe won't be getting her shopping spree and the Dog won't be getting a buttload of free biscuits and pig ears, but Dicky V will be getting a heartfelt apology from Rivalfish.

Although Dicky V barely retained his title as "college basketball expert," we still owe him the apology we promised. Dick, certainly you have nothing to brag about, as you correctly picked only one Final Four team, a feat matched by Kevin the Dog whose best talent lies in the sheer unpredictability of whether his red rocket will or will not emerge from its sheath when guests are around.

So, without further ado, here is Rivalfish's heartfelt apology to Dick Vitale:

From the office of Rivalfish, Inc.

March 27, 2006

Dearest Dick,

I hope you don't mind if we call you Dick. I mean, we've been on a first name basis since the tourney started, and just because you proved victorious doesn't mean we should revert to the formal "Richard" or the stuffy "Mr. Vitale." Dick it is and Dick it always will be.

In an attempt to make ourselves and our fellow fans not feel so bad about losing to the proverbial overweight 44-year-old white woman in every office in America, we squared you off in an epic March Madness battle against a ditzy babe and a drooling dog, both of whom knew nothing about college basketball. We hoped that if you lost to one of our two foolish competitors, sports fans across the country wouldn't need to feel so bad for their own disappointing losses to meager competitors.

In our minds, the online office pool took on grander connotations, it wasn't just Dick v. Babe, but masculine v. feminine. It wasn't just Dick v. Dog but man v. beast. Before we went to bed last night, we worried that your victory over the babe and dog was somehow representative of the male dominance in American corporate culture. Luckily, we had some Ambien and calmed our crazy conspiracy theory fears with a little shut-eye.

Still, we do have a bone to pick with you calling yourself a "college basketball expert." You collected only 35% of the online office pool's 192 possible points. In any college classroom, a 35% is a failing grade. Yet, over at ESPN, I guess that level of accuracy can command a multi-million dollar per year salary. Life just isn't fair.

Lastly, Dick, we want to say "thanks." Your bad picks made our babe and dog think that they had a legitimate chance to win the pool. And although you ultimately won, you led them along for long enough where you created two new sports fans in the process. Your love of basketball and penchant for dunking basketballs while wearing unbranded jerseys on behalf of DiGiorno has been passed on to two new, unlikely fans.

You better work hard this off-season, because we'll be back next year, with a ditzier babe and a hungrier dog, ready to take a chance at knocking you out of your March Madness throne.

Much love,

Rivalfish.com

p.s. To answer your likely question before you even ask, Shira the Babe is NOT willing to go on post-tourney date with you. However, Kevin the Dog will happily accept a post-tourney walk. Give us a call and we'll send you his leash.