SPORTS, MOVIES, MEN, AND TEARS

by Dan Tella, draspate@indiana.edu

I love them. If you don’t believe me check out my facebook profile under the category “favorite movies.� Miracle, Hoosiers, Rudy, Sandlot, The Natural, Remember the Titans, The Program, Major League, and a plethora of others all remind us men that sometimes its okay to get the shivers like a girl watching Sixteen Candles for the 150th time. I own that one, hence the accuracy of that analogy. Throughout all of these movies there is always the unavoidable underlining theme, “David beats rival Goliath.� Whether it’s against the Commies, the First Stringers, the Inner Demons, the Big Town, or the Racist Society, these “good guys� all march to the beat of the same drummer.

Why do I love these movies? God, where should I begin? How about we start with the unforgettable lines…

“Mike Eruzione!�

“Where are you from?�

“Boston, Massachusetts!�

“Who do you play for?�

“The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!�

Or is it,

“Whatta ya want me to say Herb, I’m afraid of getting cut? Yeah, I’m afraid of getting’ cut.�

And if you don’t get choked up when you hear, “Do you believe in miracles, yes!!� then you are a terrorist. How about in Rudy? When his name starts to echo throughout the Irish faithful even my Maze and Blue heart crumbles.

“Who’s the wild man now?� Lets not forget about Rudy’s fat best friend who later went on to make Swingers(by the way Vince Vaughn is in Rudy also).

And my personal favorite, “Starting Defense! Place at the table,� followed by a couple car windows suffering the wrath of ‘roid rage.

Bob Uecker isn’t even an actor and he has some of the greatest movie lines ever: “And that ball is headed somewhere towards South America,� “Just a bit outside,� and “This guy even threw at his own kid in a father-son game.� I love these movie lines and I could sit here for hours and type more, but I think I’ve gotten my point across regarding why these movies are the greatest food for the core. I shouldn’t even have to go on. I should go play FIFA immediately. But I will continue because I’m not a quitter, or a haughty member of Varsity from D3: You Should Know The Rest or Stop Reading This Rant.

Because as great as the endless repertoire of quotes are to any movie or sports fan, they are not the greatest upshot created by these cinematic experiences. The absolute best thing about these movies is that they represent the only truly socially acceptable time for adolescent boys and grown men to cry in each other’s presence. In fact, if you don’t cry when Rudy runs onto the field for the first time you are most likely going to Hell because you are an emotionless Dick. If you can’t crack a smile with a single tear strolling down your face when you see 20 college kids beat the greatest hockey team ever assembled during the Cold War, then you might as well be Canadian if you aren’t already.

These true-ish stories of the “classic underdog beating its seemingly unbeatable rival� are the reason we love sports. The whole entire reason. Nothing to do with Daddy throwing us ground balls in the driveway. Hear that Ray? If it wasn’t for Hickory, Rudy, and Mike Eruzione, we wouldn’t associate sports with passion the way most humans presently do. We need these Davids to keep toppling the Goliaths because we need something to believe in. Holy Swear Word, did I just say that? I did and I would again. It’s only a clichéd idea because it’s dead-on. As long as we keep remembering to make a movie about it whenever it does happen so all of us sports fans in the world can pop it in someday and enjoy the unimaginable for a couple hours, I’ll be fine. That’s really all I’m asking. I said “Good Day!�